"I'ma keep it real with you. I just got back into God. I got three girls. Out of my three girls, my oldest one is still living. When I was living in Baltimore, one of my girls was 7 years old and got shot in the head. I came back to Louisville and my 16-year-old got shot in the head. My 40-year-old came back from Alaska and now she lives in Houston. I got four grandkids. I turned 60 on Friday and for a long time, I had doubts about God. You know, I lost my two girls, my father died in my arms and came back to Louisville and my grandmother died. I finally got to meet my mother, whom I didn't know for 25 years. I couldn't say that I loved her or liked her, and she died. I also had a sister that jumped off the bridge, so I had a lot of tragedy. I'ma keep it real with you. I was diagnosed with depression and suicidal, I get SSI. I had three suicide attempts, but for some reason, he's holding me here. I'm just keeping it real with you, it's my life story.
Now, 12 years clean and sober, I don't do anything but walk this girl (points to the dog), that ain't mine. I stay with my sister, who is 20 years clean and sober. On April 7th, next year, I'll be 13 years clean and sober. I had a messed up life. Now, I'm getting God back into my life. I still have questions and doubts, but that's understandable, with everything that I've been through. For me, staying with my sister and my aunt helps me. I ain't been going to church every Sunday, but I go. As far as knowing the Bible, I don't know it but I'm getting to it. I'm dyslexic, but I'm teaching myself to get through it.
My oldest daughter came back to life and that motivates me. I abandoned her, in the past. When I graduated from Drug Court, she was the only one that was there for me. She came all the way from Alaska for my graduation. As long as I talk to her once a week, I'm good. I don't associate with too many people. I walk her. She's a good therapy dog. She's not mean to anybody. This is my buddy.
Be patient, things will change. I didn't think that it would. I had a gun to my head, rope around my neck and I had drunk some shit. He pulled me through all of it. When I knew that all the windows and doors were locked and I had a .45 to my head and somehow my cousin got in and knocked the gun out of my hand before I pulled the trigger. After my daughter was killed, I tied an extension cord around my neck and hung myself, but someone came in and cut the cord. I was really depressed. You gotta be patient and have hope. I've been patient and I have hope. I can handle anything, now. The difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude. Keep it moving." - Sam, Parkland